


O Tannenbaum

by Petenshi



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen, Humor, Mission Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petenshi/pseuds/Petenshi
Summary: If you have to shoot somebody does that mean the mission is botched?





	

They hadn’t been expecting the guard to come back into the server room after his rounds.   
  
Duo and Heero had been cooling their heels at the private school conveniently located in the city that housed the computer server for a quarter of Oz’s databases.  They’d arrived in November and it had been a long, tedious month while the good doctors determined the best moment for the databases to be hacked with minimal notice on and off the site.  If anyone discovered that the information had been tampered with the entire mission would be compromised.  
  
Not to mention an entire month of Duo’s life he would never get back. Suffering through high school level algebra, and the twitterings of young girls working up the nerve to speak to Heero, was just about the most he was willing to take for the team.  Torture at the hands of Oz was preferable.  
  
Except now the mission was nearly botched because some guard decided he couldn’t remember if he’d turned the lights off.  
  
They’d been sloppy.  Heero had been facing away from the door while Duo leaned over his shoulder passing him the cords to hook up.  When the guard had walked in, startled into a loud, “Hey!” Duo had moved without thinking, pulling the gun tucked in the small of Heero’s back and shooting the man in the head.  
  
The room was silent.  The gun had gone off with a soft pop and Duo was pretty sure it hadn’t been heard in the rest of the facility.  This was the only guard scheduled for rotation and if he’d been doing his job properly, he were _supposed_ to be on the other side of the building.  
  
Duo sighed.  “I hate having to do that.”   
  
He handed Heero back his gun and the other boy took it with a quiet thanks.  He set it on the desk next to him, the barrel currently too hot for him to return it to its spot tucked in the back of his school uniform.  
  
“Smart going for the head shot, we don’t have time to clean up a lot of blood.”  Heero came to stand next to Duo and they both looked glumly down at the man on the ground.  
  
Duo nudged the body with this foot, “What are we going to do with him?”  
  
“We need to get rid of him somewhere offsite, if anyone finds him the entire mission will be ruined.”  
  
Heero leaned over and started rifling through the man’s pockets, checking each one until he pulled out a set of keys.  He tossed them to Duo and then went back to the computer console and finished plugging cables in so they could get the hack started.  
  
“So Mr. Dead Body, what kind of ride do you have?”  Duo flipped through the keys until he pulled one out.  “It’s so handy when they put the make and model on the fob it’s like they’re just asking us to steal their car.”  
  
Duo made it back out to the small parking lot behind the facility without running into any other surprises.  There weren’t that many cars in the lot and he didn’t even have to tap the unlock button to be able to find the one he was looking for.  
  
There was a tree strapped to the roof of the car.  Duo stared. “Well geez. Now I feel kind of bad we had to kill you.  However it does give me a rather brilliant idea.”  
  
He shrugged and started to release the straps so he could pull out the blanket lying under the tree protecting the car roof.  “If I wasn’t going to hell before, I certainly am now.”  
  
Heero was wiping down the keyboard when Duo came back in, carrying the blanket from the car.  “You about ready?”  
  
He nodded and then looked pointedly at the body on the floor and the blanket in Duo’s arms.  Duo waved a hand and grinned sheepishly, “Now don’t judge me but I have a plan.”  
  
He threw the blanket on the ground next to the guard and pointed to his feet. “You gonna help me out?”  
  
Heero sighed but crouched down to help haul the man over.  “I assume your plan is more developed then ‘wrap body in blanket and shove in car’.”  
  
Duo nodded, “You’ll see when we get to his car.”  
  
They had to duck into a closet at one point, which was not an easy task when carrying a man twice your size but they managed to get back out to the parking lot without being seen.  
  
“Right, so we’re going to set the tree on top of Mr. Dead Body here, wrap his arms and legs around its trunk, then roll the whole thing like a burrito and tie it all back down onto the roof of the car.”  Duo looked at Heero, wondering if he would go along with the plan.  
  
“Of course if you have any other ideas, I’m all ears.”  
  
Heero stared at the Christmas tree and then the dead body for a moment and then shook his head.  “No.  But what exactly are we going to do with it?”  
  
“Drive it to a wood chipper.”  
  
Heero whipped his head around and stared at Duo in shock.  “ _What_?”  
  
Duo shook his head, “No! I mean, yes but no we’re not going to shove him in the wood chipper!  People always need to get rid of the Christmas trees they get, right? So there’s these lots where you drop off your tree in a pile and then they shove them in wood chippers to make mulch.  I figured we’d just toss him in the pile and by the time they find him it’ll be January and we’ll be long gone.”  
  
“If you say so.”  Heero was staring at the tree skeptically but he still helped Duo secure the body and rewrap it.  It was a lot harder getting it all back on the roof and they both had to scramble onto the car at one point.  They were covered in sap and scratches by the time everything was secure but Duo was pretty sure neither security guard, nor tree were going anywhere.  
  
They pulled out of the parking lot and Heero checked the mirror sighing heavily.  “Duo, it looks like we have a dead body on the roof of our car.”  
  
Duo grinned and patted his arm.  “Come on Heero, where’s your Christmas spirit?  We’re headed home with the greatest tree ever!”  
  
Unfortunately they hadn’t been on the road for very long when red and blue lights lit up behind them and Heero swore softly.  They pulled over and he rolled the window down as a policeman, hat pulled low, came up and peered in.  
  
“I’m going to need you to pop your trunk, let me take a look.”  Heero nodded slowly and complied.   
  
While the officer could be heard pushing things around, Heero gave Duo a quick glance and then signed, “ _Did you check_?”  Duo shook his head and shrugged apologetically.  
  
Apparently the trunk was in the clear though as the lid was slammed shut and the officer made his way back up to Heero’s window.  “You boys are a bit young to be out driving around this time of night.”  He clicked on a large mag light and shone it into the back sweeping over the empty seats.  
  
Heero and Duo quickly shared a look and Duo let his mouth clench in a tight line, voice wobbling a little.  “We know.  It’s just…the headmaster has been sick and we wanted to do something to make him feel better.”  
  
Heero spoke up then, flashing the police officer wide blue eyes.  “I know we snuck out but we wanted it to be a surprise. We had it all planned to decorate the tree tonight so he’d see it first thing tomorrow.”  
  
They both offered their most apologetic, miserable expressions and the officer finally smiled.  
  
“I’ll overlook the fact that you’re breaking school rules because your hearts were in the right place.  I’m not even going to check you for a license and registration I’m pretty sure you’re not carrying.  But you boys need to get back now, it’s much too late for you to be out.”  He gave them a two fingered salute and started to walk away.  
  
Duo let out a breath and then choked when the police offer paused and turned back, reaching up to give the blanket a tug.  
  
“Oh and you have your tree strapped down backwards.”  He tugged it again, “You want the trunk pointing toward the hood of the car but this seems nice and secure so I’ll let you go.  Have a good night fellas.”  
  
He gave them a nod, climbed back into his cruiser and pulled away.  
  
“I can’t believe we didn’t think to put the body in the trunk.”  Heero shook his head, perplexed.  “All that work to get it on the roof.”  
  
They sat there for a moment longer and finally Duo started to laugh.  “The tree is facing the wrong way?”  
  
Heero just sighed and started driving again.


End file.
